we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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