Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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