Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
