Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
