i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
