The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
