you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
