Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
