i think my tv is drunk
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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