He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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