There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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