hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
