Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
