If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
