got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
did i just pee glitter
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
