Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
