i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
