I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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