Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
