How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
