I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
