I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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