She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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