So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
