What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
