You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
