I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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