Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
