Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
