i don't like sucking hair
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
