you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
