Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
