I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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