i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
