Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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