Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
