yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
