just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
