I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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