the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
