He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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