Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
