Rock
Scissors
Fuck
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
