the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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