My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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