But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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