I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
