God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
