reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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