Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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