New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize