i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
