they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
