think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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