i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
