woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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