I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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