You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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