It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
