Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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