2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
