did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
