Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You are the jesus of drinking
Randomize
