I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
