SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm passing your future prison.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
