5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
