but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
