oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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