Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
