omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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